The Voices Outside My Head

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It is 8:15am on a Saturday morning. My night ends with a closing of Target at 1am. I see Caitlin getting ready for work at the hospital and can tell she isn’t in a very fit state of mind. She had five beers the night before and I could tell when I had come home due to an odor of alcohol near where she slept. The way that I tell is from her eyes and mouth. Her eyes are one of her more attractive qualities, being that they are bright and big. They just seem to know how to capture sunlight. This morning they are not as open and have no shine to them. Maybe she is still tired. Then there is her mouth. Her dad, a slightly grumpy guy, had lines around his mouth when focused or agitated. These same lines appear around Caitlin’s lips when she grimaces, as she is at this moment in time. She isn’t having a good morning. I hear the voices of NPR playing her favorite program- A Day In the Life. I enjoy this program as well, but not as much as her. “Hi”. She looks at me and responds, but she isn’t 100% and with our coffee fast she surely won’t be for awhile. I get up and slip into the shower as she is in the kitchen doing who knows what. It is 9:15am now so she will be leaving soon.

I apply the peppermint shampoo we have and enjoy the warm water running down my back. I don’t have work until 5:30pm today so I allot some extra time to the shower. Suddenly I realize a problem. There are no longer any voices coming from the apartment. I meekly call out her name,”Caitlin”. No response. I presume she has gone without saying goodbye and giving me a kiss. Since this is something I always feel is necessary for a good day I become sad and begin to slump in the shower. I continue my shower for a few minutes and then see a shadow pass by the open door! Could it be? IT IS. Caitlin has not left and she came into the bathroom. “Hey I’m leaving. Give me a kiss.” I stick out my head and give her a few wet ones. I explain that I was sad because I thought she had left without getting some lovin’. She just shakes her head, says she didn’t hear, and that she has to go. That’s okay by me. I got my day started off right after all!

True love is nice.

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In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Under the Snow.”

If I were buried under snow I would remember Caitlin-my wife. I would whisper her name and talk to myself about how she would be with the loss of her loved one. She would be my focus for awhile, but then after her I’d remember how all things have a purpose. Maybe I am meant to suffer this tragedy for some sort of personal physical/mental growth? Perhaps this test of endurance entails me having a near death experience that entails wisdom? These thoughts would be the words on my lips as I lay cold, hurt, and wishful. My last idea of words of strength would be the most human of them all-profanity. What’s near death without sailor talk just to curse the situation and perhaps empower myself even if only for 10 more seconds? After all, I’ve gotta make it through the night somehow.

Word of Strength

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Thanksgiving

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Well we are back! We went to Thanksgiving at Caitlin’s dad’s house. I got to see her family which includes Grandma Morgan, Olivia, Jake, Elena, and good ol’ Dave. Even the kitties got to have a fun vacation since they got to come along. All in all it was a pretty good experience. The best part is that Grandma Morgan cleaned and cooked. Oh wait…NO! The best part is that I was supposed to work at Target on that day, but I was the only person who got to not work that day. I am so happy about that. I think it would have ruined my holiday to be working that night. Instead I got to have turkey, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, bread, homemade stuffing, and pretzel salad. Oh man was that meal good. I think what makes this holiday so much fun is my foodie side! I have to always be conservative with eating or limited to a cheaper meal. On this holiday though, I get to stuff my face. I didn’t eat as much as I had thought I would. I should have abstained from food the day before so that I could easily eat too much! NOM NOM NOM.

Dragon Age: Inquisition

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DA inquisision

 

So I just got this game…and it is awesome! Graphically, animations, and more are perfect! Even my girlfriend likes the game so I know I bought a good game. Can’t wait to spend some time on this game!!! Oh and I made my character look like Chrom from Fire Emblem: Awakening on the 3DS.

Bye Everyone!

P.S. Happy Thanksgiving! May you gain some loving weight.

Tiny House

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Addison and I have always fantasized about living in a mobile home. A tiny RV or one we can pull around with a truck. Plant it anywhere we want and live there. I guess the desire for this stems from a want for freedom. Being forced to limit your material possessions and having the world be your living room, no rent to pay and ability to move where your heart desires. You would be forced to focus on the more important aspects of life. Such as relationships. And you would have the quiet to listen to your body and everything around you. It would be so much easier to know what the right decision to make next is.. to go with the flow.

I have seen bloggers mention tiny houses before and seen pictures. It was very intriguing – I had no idea people lived like this!

I stumbled upon a documentary on Netflix about a guy building a Tiny House. He reminded of me and Addison and was very inspiring. I never seriously considered of BUILDING OUR OWN home until now! It would be a learning process but it’s something we could do.

The Day that follows a Night of Drinking

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Usually after about three days of no alcohol consumption I start to feel the underlying desire to drink. I can be at work, school, or home and this feeling will start to sneak up on my thoughts until it really consumes my mind! What is worse is that almost always I can call Caitlin and she will say something akin to “I wanna do something fun tonight…” or “I want something bad tonight…”. Either expression means the same thing-let us get alcohol tonight. At this point my underlying desire becomes a raging need and I have to get some beer. Sometimes I really want to get drunk so I will push for hard liquor, but that rarely happens since it is not easily obtainable and Caitlin isn’t a huge fan. However, since she has mentioned that she wanted to drink I now am determined to get beer or something similar and nothing stops me. Truly, at this point it is hard to deter me because it makes me mad that I felt excited to drink and if I suddenly realize I can’t have it I instantly get annoyed! I know this is a bad sign as far as addictions go, but this is where I am in life at the moment. So now, without further-ado, I will begin explaining the night of drinking with Caitlin.

We have $12 dollars in the bank with some in savings for the upcoming rent. I was working from 8-4 p.m. at Target and called Caitlin on my various breaks throughout the day. She had come to pick me up for lunch and we were talking in the car rather than going out to eat. It was in this place that I realized I needed to have a fun night. My exact words were “If I come home tonight and there is nothing to do I am going to be depressed!” This feeling most likely stemmed from the fact that I hate my job and the night before we didn’t do anything other than chill (Caitlin crocheted; Addison played PS4). We decided that either pizza or beer would be the main attraction and that we would participate in a bet that would determine the activity we did whilst eating or drinking. **The bet would give either Caitlin or I the ownership of the night. If she won then I would be forced to take a crotchet lesson from her. If I won she would have to play Call of Duty survival mode with me.** After work we were cross about what we wanted to do. We were literally laying on the bed deciding back and forth “Pizza!……….Beer!” In the end I text my Mom and asked her if she would buy me a pizza online. She said she would (manipulative I know, but I have never done that before so I didn’t feel held back to try). This meant that pizza and beer were the attractions for the night. We got the Cinnamon Horchata by Blue Moon. I tasty, tasty beer that is fantastic for the cold weather if any are interested. So we drank our six pack and decided to get another six pack of Horchata, but this time we mixed the pack with the Temptress. Got home, drank those. Ended up with a pretty strong sense of “The Buzz” a.k.a. drunk. Slept and woke up at 7:30a.m. for class at 8a.m. Now onto the real reason for this post-the day after.

Today started off with really heavy eyes and foul breath. If you have drank you know the breath I mean(really reminds me of a dog’s breath). I had given into the idea of skipping my class today, but Caitlin got up and said she wanted to go to her first class. Since our classes on Tuesday start at the same time I figured I would go too. On the way to Texas Woman’s University I couldn’t help feeling….euphoric. I even told Caitlin that I felt really good despite having a slight headache and a parched throat. She didn’t agree wholeheartedly. Since she had gotten up she had grunted and growled the words “Poop! Have Sex!” (I mean the adult versions f.y.i.) We went to class and I constantly wanted to be outside to feel the brisk air. I knew I should stay and did from 8-11a.m. which is my Tuesday class schedule. I still felt super good, but at this point I was starving so we decided to go to Chinese buffet. It is here that I realized why I felt so euphoric. Whilst consuming massive amounts of crappy sushi I summarized my euphoria-I was relieved from that underlying desire to drink for a day! I mentioned earlier that I usually experience the craving a few days before I absolutely am dying for a drink. Well, since I had alleviated that symptom the night before with indulgence today would be without the desire. I feel so pure and darkness free by having drank. It made me feel sad simply because I realized how much I needed to drink in order to feel good during the next day. Even Caitlin made a similar comment about me being an alcoholic. The most depressing part of it all is that I know I have this problem. Without friends this seems to be one of the only outlets I have for being fun. I think that if I were to want to curb this addiction I would need to find something satisfying in life that tires my mind out so much that I forget about the drinking. Either way, today made me realize that I love and hate drinking. I love it for the next day and the immediate gratification of the night’s fun. I hate it because it is a poison and I am not ignorant of that fact. I don’t even ignore it, but accept it. Bad, bad, bad.

Beanie Season is Here!

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Winter is coming…

Do you know what that means?!

Winter wear galore! I have been crocheting beanies like mad trying to keep up with the demand! The demand being – Addison, presents for family with November birthdays, and requests from coworkers.

It’s a lot of work but it has been a GLORIOUS learning process! The first issue I ran into was SIZING. The first beanie I tried to crochet for Addison was too small. I restarted it about 3 times and each time it was STILL too small! The final product fit but was not a slouchy beanie like I was wanting it to be. I found this wonderful hat size chart from http://anniespictureperfect.blogspot.com/ that helped:

Size Head Circumference Hat Circumference Crown Circle Diameter Hat Height -Top of Crown to Bottom of Ear
Preemie 1 – 2 pounds 9 – 10 inches/23 – 25 cm 7.5 – 8 inches/18 – 20 cm 1.75 – 2 inches/4 ½ – 5 cm 3 – 3.5 inches/ 8 – 9 1/2 cm
Preemie 2 – 3 pounds 10 – 11 ¼ inches/25 – 28 cm 8 1/2 – 10 inches/22 – 25 cm 2.0 – 2.25 inches/5 cm 3.5 inches/9 – 9 ½ cm
Preemie 4 – 5 pounds 11 ½ – 12 inches/28 – 30 cm 9 – 10 inches/23 – 25 cm 2.5 – 3 inches/ 6 ½ – 8 cm 3.5 – 4 inches/9 – 10 ½ cm
Preemie 5 ½ – 6 pounds 12 – 13 inches/30 – 33 cm 10 – 11 inches/25 – 28 cm 3.0 – 3.5 inches/7 ½ – 9 cm 4 – 4.5 inches/10 ½ – 11 ½ cm
Newborn 13 inches/33 cm 12 – 12.5 inches/30.5 – 32 cm 3.5 – 4.0 inches/9 – 10 ½ cm 4.5 – 5.5 inches/11 ½ – 14 cm
2 weeks – 3 months 14 inches/35.5 cm 13 – 13.5 inches/33 – 34.5 cm 4.45 – 4.75 inches/11-12.5 cm 5.5 – 6 inches/14 – 15 ½ cm
3 – 6 months 15 inches/36 cm 14 – 14.5 inches/35.5 – 37 cm 5 inches/ 13 cm 6 – 6.25 inches/15 ½ – 16 cm
6 – 9 months 16 inches/40.5 cm 15 inches/36 cm 5.25 inches/14 cm 6.25 – 6.5 inches/16 – 16 ½ cm
9 -12 months 16.5 inches/42 cm 15.5 inches/ 39.5 cm 5.25 – 5.5 inches/14 – 15 cm 6.5 inches/16 ½ cm
12-18 months 17 inches/43.5 cm 16 inches/ 40.5 cm 5.5 – 5.75 inches/15 cm 6.75 inches/ 17 ½ cm
18-24 months 18 inches/46 cm 17 inches/ 43.5 cm 5.75 – 6 inches/15 – 16 cm 7.25 inches/19 cm
2-5 years 18 – 19 inches/46 – 48.5 cm 17 – 18 inches/43.5 – 46 cm 6 – 6.25/16 cm 7.25 – 7.5 inches/ 19 cm
Child 19 – 20 inches/48.5 – 51 cm 18 – 19 inches/46 – 48.5 cm 6.25 – 6.5 inches/16 cm – 17 cm 7.75 – 8.0 inches/20 cm
Teen 20 – 21 inches/51 – 53.5 cm 19 – 20 inches/48.5 – 51 cm 6.5 – 6.75 inches/17 8.0 – 8.5 inches/20 – 22 cm
Adult Woman 22 inches/56 cm 21 inches/53.5 cm 7 – 7.5 inches/18 – 19 cm 8.75 – 9 inches/23 cm
Adult Man 23 inches/ 59 cm 22 inches/56 cm 7.5 – 8 inches/19 – 20 cm 9.25 – 9.50/23 ½ cm

A woman’s head is generally 21-22 inches circumference and a man’s is usually 22-23 inches.

The pattern I’m using now uses back post double crochet and creates a wonderfully layered, ribbed look. The first one was gray and blue:

PICTURE

And the one I just finished is black, blue, and green and was worked a bit bigger around and lengthwise to give that slouchy look:

PICTURE